Who am I these days?

Who am I these days? Have you ever asked yourself that question? It's like, there are so many changes we go through everyday, how is it possible to know who we are from day to day? We change our clothes, our minds, our hair, our diet, our relationships, but what triggers these changes? I think there is this underlying desire to be better than we are. What differs is the force that drives that desire. Some people are driven by greed and/or jealousy and so they try to achieve this look that makes others think they are more than what they really are. They're in debt trying to buy the latest namebrands and the fanciest vehicle. They end an amazing relationship because their mate doesn't have the right look or calls them out on the ridiculous attitude changes they've made. They lay aside things they used to believe in just to fit in. Just to put up a front of an image, and somewhere in there they lose who they are. I was that person, but thank God for change and growth. I am now driven by God. My desire to do better and be more comes from my desire to be more like Christ. This may seem like a silly testimony, but it's VERY real. I used to wear wigs and weaves all the time. Originally it was due to hairloss from chemotherapy. But once that was over I continued wearing them because I liked to switch my look up. I later came to realize the hair had become a crutch and a mask for me. I HATED what I saw whenever I looked in the mirror and I was uncomfortable with myself. I blamed it on my face, my features, even my complexion. The hair gave me a cover and suddenly I was okay with my looks. But very recently I had to be honest with myself. My discomfort and disgust when I looked in the mirror had little to do with my hair and physical features, and EVERYTHING to do with my ugly spiritual self. I hated my reflection because I had no clue who I was! Who was this ugly woman living a life of sin? Who was this ugly woman with a tongue that slayed everyone she met? Who was this woman with deceit in her eyes and lies on her lips? Surely that wasn't me! I'm a woman of God. A virtuous woman. A loving and truthful and honorable woman. A friend to all and enemy to none. A heart of gold with a pleasant song always on my lips right? Ha! Time to get real! So I let go of the mask that was my hair. I am proud to show the natural beauty of Gods creation. I am working to shed the extra pounds that are tell-tell signs of my gluttony. Gone are the lies behind my eyes. Now they shine with joy, love, kindness and empathy. No longer does my tongue assassinate others. Instead it speaks life and tells of the goodness of God! So today when I look in the mirror and say who am I today, my answer is the same as yesterdays. I am a Queen. A child of the most high. Friend of the holy one. I am chosen. I am everything HE says I am. And tomorrow when I look and ask the same question, you can bet my answer will be the same!

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