My Weight Loss Journey Starts NOW

I am sitting here at work TRYING to focus on all of these mini projects I have and just be productive, and I am sitting here starving because all I had for breakfast was a breakfast pastry and a Speedway Coffee. But, I don't want to eat anything else because I need to lose some weight. I keep looking down at my outfit and I feel disgusted by the way it fits. I have been half heartedly trying to workout and make some dietary changes to lose the weight. Obviously, I need to step it up and go ahead and put the work in. I don't feel very motivated to do so. In fact, I really feel some type of way today and I can't put my finger on it. I don't quite have an attitude, but almost. I am not really sad or depressed, but almost. I just feel heavy. And the second I acknowledged the feeling, God got me together!

Why am I heavy? Because I am spiritually weak. I want to lose all of this "weight" that is making me feel heavy. Depression adds a few pounds. Worry goes straight to my hips. ;) Frustration adds another pound. Lack of faith adds some more. I am trying to carry all of these burdens around, but all they're doing is wieghing me down. I thought lifting weights made you stronger! God had an answer for that too. I am lifting the wrong thing. I just keep picking these problems up OVER and OVER. What I need to be lifting is my word. What I need to be lifting is my prayer life. What I need to be lifting is my fellowship. Right now, I could not "leg press" (meaning walk in) the entire book of Philippians and it is only 4 chapters. Sure, I can quote a few scriptures. Sure, I go to church. Sure, I sing. Sure, I am at Bible Study. Sure, I serve in several other ministries. But, I have been doing all that attending and serving half heartedly. I cannot serve with my whole self because I am so weighed down with worldly JUNK! So, now it is time for me to go ALL IN!!!

I keep "forgetting" that my physical life is very much attached to my spiritual life. How can I be motivated to get off of my butt and work out if I am not motivated to get right on the inside? I truly believe my physical appearance is an outward reflection of my spiritual appearance. And, if I am not spiritually healthy it will show. When I start feeling sad I am filling myself with ice cream and junk (literally) instead of the word! I can look back over my life and say that where I am spiritually is amazing compared to where I was. I AM in my word. I DO have faith in God. I AM growing. BUT! it is just not enough. Why? Because God is taking me to a new level. He is growing me and pushing me towards my purpose in his kingdom, and that means my "weight lifting" has to increase. I cannot start working out and grow and then expect to see more results doing the same workout routine. No, it is time to add some more "good" weight. Spend a little more time in the gym. Work a little bit more with the trainer.

I am ready to drop the "bad" weight and pick up the good! I bet I'll be benchpressing the Book of Psalms in no time! ;)

Who am I these days?

Who am I these days? Have you ever asked yourself that question? It's like, there are so many changes we go through everyday, how is it possible to know who we are from day to day? We change our clothes, our minds, our hair, our diet, our relationships, but what triggers these changes? I think there is this underlying desire to be better than we are. What differs is the force that drives that desire. Some people are driven by greed and/or jealousy and so they try to achieve this look that makes others think they are more than what they really are. They're in debt trying to buy the latest namebrands and the fanciest vehicle. They end an amazing relationship because their mate doesn't have the right look or calls them out on the ridiculous attitude changes they've made. They lay aside things they used to believe in just to fit in. Just to put up a front of an image, and somewhere in there they lose who they are. I was that person, but thank God for change and growth. I am now driven by God. My desire to do better and be more comes from my desire to be more like Christ. This may seem like a silly testimony, but it's VERY real. I used to wear wigs and weaves all the time. Originally it was due to hairloss from chemotherapy. But once that was over I continued wearing them because I liked to switch my look up. I later came to realize the hair had become a crutch and a mask for me. I HATED what I saw whenever I looked in the mirror and I was uncomfortable with myself. I blamed it on my face, my features, even my complexion. The hair gave me a cover and suddenly I was okay with my looks. But very recently I had to be honest with myself. My discomfort and disgust when I looked in the mirror had little to do with my hair and physical features, and EVERYTHING to do with my ugly spiritual self. I hated my reflection because I had no clue who I was! Who was this ugly woman living a life of sin? Who was this ugly woman with a tongue that slayed everyone she met? Who was this woman with deceit in her eyes and lies on her lips? Surely that wasn't me! I'm a woman of God. A virtuous woman. A loving and truthful and honorable woman. A friend to all and enemy to none. A heart of gold with a pleasant song always on my lips right? Ha! Time to get real! So I let go of the mask that was my hair. I am proud to show the natural beauty of Gods creation. I am working to shed the extra pounds that are tell-tell signs of my gluttony. Gone are the lies behind my eyes. Now they shine with joy, love, kindness and empathy. No longer does my tongue assassinate others. Instead it speaks life and tells of the goodness of God! So today when I look in the mirror and say who am I today, my answer is the same as yesterdays. I am a Queen. A child of the most high. Friend of the holy one. I am chosen. I am everything HE says I am. And tomorrow when I look and ask the same question, you can bet my answer will be the same!

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Fresh Start

Well, it has literally been over a year since I have posted anything on here. It is funny how things can change so much, and yet they remain the same (I'll save that for another day). I am starting a new journey. A journey of self-examination and self-discovery. A journey of embarking on a closer walk in Christ. A journey of working towards being the best me I can be. A journey of being all that HE says I am! My business cards and little motivational notes around home and the office all boldly read "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me!" Philippians 4:13... And yet I am constantly saying I can't do something. I want to write a certain way, oh but I can't because... I want to start a business, oh but I can't because... I want to get a certain job, oh but I can't because.... If that is where my mind stays, then I am absolutely correct, I can't! But if I am going to display that I can do ALL things, it is time for me to walk in it, and bay-bee you better believe I am walking. It is time for Lady V to make some SERIOUS changes!

In the past my blogs have been poems or just random vents. Well in the last year I would like to think I have matured a bit. There are a lot of things I encounter on a daily basis that I wish to speak on, and now I have a place to do it. Poetry is still, and I am sure will always be, my passion and main reason for blogging, but my content has matured.

I have started a journey of growing my hair out natural. I don't blog about it like everyone else because it is not this big life changing spiritual journey where I am shunning the stereotypes etc. etc. I just wanted something new, and I wanted to let my hair grow out as healthy as possible. Nothing terribly exciting. Same as my weight loss journey. I don't have 500 pounds to lose or anything. I have a gut from pregnancy and I am severely out of shape. No major journey here. But why share this with you if it's no big deal? Because ALL of it is a part of my walk with Christ. How? Read on.... ;)

Lady V